Rethinking Social Skills in Autism Spectrum Disorder

For many years, autism was misunderstood as a condition defined primarily by withdrawal into the self. In fact, the very term autism comes from the Greek word for “self,” and early researchers believed that children with autism preferred isolation over connection.

This view has since been challenged by decades of research. While it is true that children with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) often face difficulties in areas such as eye contact, initiating or responding to social interactions, emotional reciprocity, and interpreting facial expressions or gestures, these challenges should not be confused with a lack of desire for relationships.

The reality is that many children and adults with ASD long for friendship, connection, and meaningful relationships. They may deeply value social interactions but struggle with the skills required to navigate them effectively. For example, a child who avoids eye contact may still want to engage, laugh, and play, but may lack the social fluency that peers expect. Another child might want to join a group activity at school but feel unsure about how to interrupt, leading them to stand quietly on the sidelines. Others may show affection in less conventional ways—such as sharing a favourite object or repeating a funny phrase—acts that are easily overlooked but are genuine bids for connection.

Play is another important area where differences are often visible. Children with ASD may spend less time in cooperative or imaginative play, instead showing more repetitive or rigid patterns. For instance, a child might line up toy cars in a perfect row, spin a block on its corner, or repeatedly watch the wheels of a toy rotate. These behaviours can appear unusual to others, but they often reflect a preference for predictability and structure rather than an absence of interest in play or peers. In fact, many children with ASD enjoy parallel play—playing alongside another child without direct interaction—which can be a valuable starting point for building social engagement.

Recognising this distinction is crucial for parents, educators, and clinicians. Supporting children with ASD is not about forcing them into unwanted social situations, but about helping them learn the skills needed to participate in the relationships they already desire. For example, teaching a child how to ask, “Can I play too?” or practising turn-taking through simple board games can open doors to richer peer interactions. When we see past the assumption of disinterest, we open the door to interventions that foster not only skill development but also a stronger sense of belonging and joy.

Reference: Charlop, M. H., Lang, R., & Rispoli, M. (2018). Play and Social Skills for Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Springer International Publishing.